Today we are having the first real snow storm of the season here in Boston. Predicted to start at 10am the snow actually came around 1pm. For about 3 hours now strong winds have been blowing snow past my window, completely eliminating visibility of downtown Boston. Although I am looking forward to walking home in the snow, seeing as how I have warm waterproof boots and a long down jacket with a great hood, I think I will wait until the winds subsides a little before venturing out into the cold.
Nights like this, I like to curl up with a good book (currently reading Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami) or watch a feel-good type of movie. I guess I'll have to see if the video rental place is still open when I make it back to Somerville. With only a week 'tll Christmas I find myself in a state of restless excitement. I am eagerly and somewhat impatiently looking forward to the coming vacation while at the same time thinking of all the things I still need to finish before I leave. For tonight, though, I think I'll just relax with a movie/book (once I make it home through the snow!)
Friday, December 19, 2008
Snow
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
waiting
One thing that I constantly have to work on is staying present and existing in each moment. It's very natural for me to get lost in thoughts or daydreams; sometimes it's a very convenient escape from dealing with what is in front of me. So to get anything done, I constantly have to remind myself to be present. It is the same when waiting for something to happen. Life is punctuated by a series of pre-planned events: deadlines, vacations, special occasions. It is easy and natural to become absorbed in planning for and anticipating these events.
For me, I find that I can become so absorbed with future events that I lose sight of the present, what's going on here and now. Life doesn't stop in between events, I know that, but I often manage to forget. The worst is when the expected doesn't happen. I feel lost. What should I do? go on as if nothing was supposed to happen? try to figure out what prevented events from happening as planned? I usually end up obsessing over such things and find myself in a state of suspended animation: unable to accomplish anything until the issue is resolved, or the day ends. This is A WASTE OF TIME. I am constantly frustrated with my self for being this way. Therefore a long (long!) distance relationship with a man who lives in a place with a fourteen hour time difference often leaves me exhausted and frustrated. I expect to talk with him, at a certain time, but if he is not answering, I find myself at a loss. Is he just busy? Is he going to become available very soon? Should I just wait until we can talk? Sadly, I'll admit that I do wait and the result is that I feel anxious and frustrated. I know its all in my head and that it will be fine when we actually do get to talk; I just really don't like waiting!
