Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Moving forward

I am spending my last days in Boston. In the past couple of weeks I have been disposing of things that at one time seemed so essential, but now are just dead weight. Bed, bookshelf, pots, pans, plants... At first I thought that letting go would be difficult, now I am enjoying tossing things in the trash, knowing that I never have to think of that item again. I am sure that I will miss none of it. Among the piles of stuff I found this bit of writing that I did to inspire me in dark times.

Reasurance for a weary heart and a fragile psyche

It's OK...
...not to have all the answers --- not knowing is the drive to make the next step

...to have an imperfect experiment --- serendipitous results arise unintentionally

...to repeat experiments --- results must be reproduced and it's OK if the outcome is different the second time

...not to agree on the interpretation of results with others --- many points of view provide a wider perspective

...to feel scared --- It is not OK to let fear inhibit/prevent action

...to make mistakes --- learn from them and move on

...to get negative results --- ponder on it and move to a new experiment

...to feel overwhelmed, sad, discouraged, stupid, and incompetent sometimes --- just remember that a mood passes, but the goal remains: keep your goal in mind and heart - like a beacon of light - and make steps toward it, however small even when all around you is darkness and despair

Carry the light with you. Let it burn away self-doubt and fear. Let it guide you toward your goal. Let it remind you that you are smart, strong and capable and can easily accomplish any goal!


Monday, May 17, 2010

Skill and passion

I have had a lot of time in recent weeks. As I unwind after a very stressful final year of graduate school, I find that I experience periods of apathy, anger, depression and hopelessness. Was it worth it? Should I have spent my time doing something else? Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life? At the same time I feel a kind of inner calm and confidence. I accomplished something very difficult. It took a lot of work, nerves, sleepless nights, and other sacrifices. I didn't know if I could do it, but I kept moving forward and I did it. I can feel proud of my accomplishment. Even though at this stage in time, I am not sure how my future will unfold, no one can take away the fact that I how have a PdD.

Interesting yoga related site to peruse: http://www.judithlasater.com


Friday, May 14, 2010

I did it! What now?

In the past month, as I completed the revisions to my thesis, got them approved, printed and bound the thesis, and finally submitted, it the fact that I AM DONE WITH GRADUATE SCHOOL! has slowly started to sink in. I have been a graduate student for eight years and so I am exhilarated and nervous at the same time. Exhilarated, because I have finally achieved a doctorate degree. Nervous, because the eight years in Boston is the longest I've lived anywhere as an adult. Because in two weeks I will be leaving behind the life I had here, my friends, all the familiar things and places. I have an exciting future ahead of me. It is filled with unknowns and although I am optimistic about what is to come, I am a little sad to know that some things that I've gotten used to I will never experience again. Life is constant change, I do know that. It just seems that things are changing very quickly all of a sudden and my futile attempts to slow it down are resulting in a waste of time, instead of a productive use of my last few weeks in lab and in Boston.