Friday, December 19, 2008


Today we are having the first real snow storm of the season here in Boston. Predicted to start at 10am the snow actually came around 1pm. For about 3 hours now strong winds have been blowing snow past my window, completely eliminating visibility of downtown Boston. Although I am looking forward to walking home in the snow, seeing as how I have warm waterproof boots and a long down jacket with a great hood, I think I will wait until the winds subsides a little before venturing out into the cold.

Nights like this, I like to curl up with a good book (currently reading Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami) or watch a feel-good type of movie. I guess I'll have to see if the video rental place is still open when I make it back to Somerville. With only a week 'tll Christmas I find myself in a state of restless excitement. I am eagerly and somewhat impatiently looking forward to the coming vacation while at the same time thinking of all the things I still need to finish before I leave. For tonight, though, I think I'll just relax with a movie/book (once I make it home through the snow!)


Wednesday, December 10, 2008


One thing that I constantly have to work on is staying present and existing in each moment. It's very natural for me to get lost in thoughts or daydreams; sometimes it's a very convenient escape from dealing with what is in front of me. So to get anything done, I constantly have to remind myself to be present. It is the same when waiting for something to happen. Life is punctuated by a series of pre-planned events: deadlines, vacations, special occasions. It is easy and natural to become absorbed in planning for and anticipating these events.
For me, I find that I can become so absorbed with future events that I lose sight of the present, what's going on here and now. Life doesn't stop in between events, I know that, but I often manage to forget. The worst is when the expected doesn't happen. I feel lost. What should I do? go on as if nothing was supposed to happen? try to figure out what prevented events from happening as planned? I usually end up obsessing over such things and find myself in a state of suspended animation: unable to accomplish anything until the issue is resolved, or the day ends. This is A WASTE OF TIME. I am constantly frustrated with my self for being this way. Therefore a long (long!) distance relationship with a man who lives in a place with a fourteen hour time difference often leaves me exhausted and frustrated. I expect to talk with him, at a certain time, but if he is not answering, I find myself at a loss. Is he just busy? Is he going to become available very soon? Should I just wait until we can talk? Sadly, I'll admit that I do wait and the result is that I feel anxious and frustrated. I know its all in my head and that it will be fine when we actually do get to talk; I just really don't like waiting!