Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Moving forward

I am spending my last days in Boston. In the past couple of weeks I have been disposing of things that at one time seemed so essential, but now are just dead weight. Bed, bookshelf, pots, pans, plants... At first I thought that letting go would be difficult, now I am enjoying tossing things in the trash, knowing that I never have to think of that item again. I am sure that I will miss none of it. Among the piles of stuff I found this bit of writing that I did to inspire me in dark times.

Reasurance for a weary heart and a fragile psyche

It's OK...
...not to have all the answers --- not knowing is the drive to make the next step

...to have an imperfect experiment --- serendipitous results arise unintentionally

...to repeat experiments --- results must be reproduced and it's OK if the outcome is different the second time

...not to agree on the interpretation of results with others --- many points of view provide a wider perspective

...to feel scared --- It is not OK to let fear inhibit/prevent action

...to make mistakes --- learn from them and move on

...to get negative results --- ponder on it and move to a new experiment

...to feel overwhelmed, sad, discouraged, stupid, and incompetent sometimes --- just remember that a mood passes, but the goal remains: keep your goal in mind and heart - like a beacon of light - and make steps toward it, however small even when all around you is darkness and despair

Carry the light with you. Let it burn away self-doubt and fear. Let it guide you toward your goal. Let it remind you that you are smart, strong and capable and can easily accomplish any goal!

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Monday, May 17, 2010

Skill and passion

I have had a lot of time in recent weeks. As I unwind after a very stressful final year of graduate school, I find that I experience periods of apathy, anger, depression and hopelessness. Was it worth it? Should I have spent my time doing something else? Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life? At the same time I feel a kind of inner calm and confidence. I accomplished something very difficult. It took a lot of work, nerves, sleepless nights, and other sacrifices. I didn't know if I could do it, but I kept moving forward and I did it. I can feel proud of my accomplishment. Even though at this stage in time, I am not sure how my future will unfold, no one can take away the fact that I how have a PdD.

Interesting yoga related site to peruse: http://www.judithlasater.com

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Friday, May 14, 2010

I did it! What now?

In the past month, as I completed the revisions to my thesis, got them approved, printed and bound the thesis, and finally submitted, it the fact that I AM DONE WITH GRADUATE SCHOOL! has slowly started to sink in. I have been a graduate student for eight years and so I am exhilarated and nervous at the same time. Exhilarated, because I have finally achieved a doctorate degree. Nervous, because the eight years in Boston is the longest I've lived anywhere as an adult. Because in two weeks I will be leaving behind the life I had here, my friends, all the familiar things and places. I have an exciting future ahead of me. It is filled with unknowns and although I am optimistic about what is to come, I am a little sad to know that some things that I've gotten used to I will never experience again. Life is constant change, I do know that. It just seems that things are changing very quickly all of a sudden and my futile attempts to slow it down are resulting in a waste of time, instead of a productive use of my last few weeks in lab and in Boston.

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